Pitbull

One of my patients with enormous ulcers on both legs from venostasis came to see me in clinic. Her ulcers are a result of incompetent valves of the veins in her legs which lead to profound leg swelling, skin breakdown, and eventually ulcers. The treatment is compression dressings to control the swelling and keeping her legs elevated. Her legs were healing nicely until right around Thanksgiving--the ulcers increased in size and were wet, weeping, and painful. She cries, "It's the dressings that making them worse!"--the same dressings we'd been using that made them better before Thanksgiving. I'm puzzled. We make small talk about the holidays and I find out that she stood for hours and hours making all the pies, turkey, and side dishes. I ask,"Did you ever think all that standing to cook caused your ulcers to get worse?" Nope, it's definitely the dressings, she insists.

The same week I see one of my gastric bypass patients who lost over 150 lbs as a result of alot hard work and her operation 3 years ago. Now she had gained back 50 pounds over 6 months. "It's my new boyfriend," she explains,"He doesn't exercise and likes to go out to eat."
I ask, "Does he FORCE you to eat unhealthy food and not exercise?"
"Oh, of course not! But you know..."

Yep, I know that it's easier and very convincing to blame something or someone else for our failings. I know how satisfying it can be to sink your teeth into a good excuse, a scape goat, or general misfortune and hang on like a pitbull. It almost absolves you.

Alot of my training friends have heard me lament about my running: how I'm not the runner I used to be 16 years ago, how overtraining and injury stopped me from reaching my running potential, how I constantly race against Kitima circa 1991 never able to beat her...wahwahwahwah. Get me a binky STAT! I've spent most of my tri career with this dead albatross of my former running self around my neck. I'm known to hammer on the bike then choke on the run. When my knee aches on a training, I think that I've blown my ACL or all the cartilage is gone from my joints and bone is rubbing on bone with each step.
I've been injury-free for 2 years. A blessed combination of proper increases in training load and intensity (THANK YOU, MARY!!), physical therapy, ART, and orthotics has brought me to the finishing line of 2 half-Ironmans and Ironman Lake Placid. My knees are not younger nor with more cartilage nor are the biomechanic discrepancies gone. However, I'm done racing with the runner I used to be. My past mistakes and fear have crippled my run more than the ligaments and bone spurs of my knees. It's trite, but I "gotta live in the now, man!"
This pitbull is letting go of a worn out excuse. The taste of old mistakes is still my mouth, but I'm chewing on a juicer steak called "Kitima's gonna nail the run at Eagleman 08".