3 Lions

My job gives me the priviledge of seeing (and most times helping) people face daunting and seemingly impossible challenges such as losing over 100 pounds, fighting cancer, and seeing their spouses, parent, and children suffer. I have found that how people react and adapt to stress and hardship is relative to the hardest thing they've ever had to endure. I've seen a 19 year-old daddy's girl bring her family to their knees over her migraine. I've also seen a 79-year-old woman with enormous weeping ulcers on her legs tell me,"It's no big deal, honey. I raised 14 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn."

Certainly, we can be born into our hardships or have them happen upon us like being born in a 3rd world country or with a disability. Those who overcome them become a source of inspiration and hope to us. But then there are hardships that we chose--that by enduring them the reward makes the suffering worthwhile or meanful--like finishing my general surgery residency or having and raising a child. Lastly, there are hardships that we create. I find these to be the most interesting because one would think that there was enough suffering in this world, in this life that more wouldn't need to be created. Why create a hardship?

I wonder sometimes if I chose to do Ironman and half-Ironman in order to create suffering that I can overcome. My mom and orthopedic surgery colleagues tell me that my triathlon obsession has surpassed any motivation to just "be healthy". They tell me that if I really wanted to "just be healthy" I would go to the gym 4 times a week and do aerobics or maybe just do a sprint triathlon "for fun". Trying to cover 140.6 or even 70.3 miles in one day isn't about health (some would say it isn't even healthy) but about proving something to yourself or to the world. I understand they are concerned about the health of my knees and the impact that running more than 3 miles will have on them. [ Mom says, "If you ruin your knees with Ironman, how will you be able to stand to operate? How will you be able to make money to have babies?" I think she should enlighten alot of people in this world about cash flow and their ability to have offspring.]

3 years ago I took at trip to Tanzania. While in Tarangere National Park, I had the fortune and privilege to talk to a Masai warrior. My tourist group was on a walking safari led by some pontificating Imperialist airbag that I couldn't stand to listen to. We were escorted/protected by Masai warriors armed with spears in case we were attacked by lions, leopards, or elephants. Armed with about 50 Swahili words and phrases, 20 Masai noun, and a penchant for charades, I had a lovely conversation with one of our protectors. He asked how cattle were raised in America (Masai wealth is measure in cattle) and how Americans dealt with the lion and leopard problem with their cattle. I explained that our cattle are raised on ranches with fences (translate: "cows on farms with walls") and that instead of lions and leopards killing our cattle we had wolves (translate:"big dogs in forest eat cows"). I noticed that my friend had a number of scars on his face. He told me that the 3 circular scars are brands that were made for each lion he had killed defending his cattle. He explained that the random scars around his scalp were from a leopard that attacked him in the night and had his head in its jaws. He gestured how he killed it with his spear.

Now this gentleman could not have been older than 23 years. I think about the hardest thing I ever had to endure at 23 years old. All I could come up with was studying for the MCAT's and having my wisdom teeth pulled. I wasn't feeling afluent American guilt--nope, I didn't feel bad about any of the things and opportunities I had. If anything, I was a bit envious of his experiences with fear, danger, death and his ability to overcome them. I'm sure that if I could talk to him now and offer him the opportunity to do an Ironman he probably wouldn't (unless there were 2000 heads of cattle waiting for him at the finish line). It's simply nothing that would be of value to him: the suffering, the experience, a 140.6 sticker...none of it. So I asked myself what is the value of doing an Ironman? Is it because I probably couldn't defend myself or any cattle against lions? Am I making up for likely not being able to extract my head from the jaws of a hungry leopard? Wasn't suffering through medical school, residency, and a divorce enough for this life? Obviously, the answer is no.

I'm very happy and proud that I've done an Ironman (though not terribly happy nor proud of my overall time--that's another fish kettle of crazy). Ironman didn't happen to me like a cancer or disability. There wasn't a degree or awesome earning potential at the finish line like medical school and residency. I willingly paid $450 a year in advance to suffer within a 17 hour time limit. It wasn't for the finishers shirt or hat--anyone could've bought those at the expo the morning after. It wasn't for the medal either. I did an Ironman to accomplish something that most people wouldn't/couldn't/can't/won't do. Does it sometimes make me feel like I'm better than the overweight, smoking guy who honks at me on my long ride? Of course. Is it to be healthy? That depends. To explore the limits of my physical and mental strength, to be able to better endure other hardships outside of training with grace and patience--if I gain those things from Ironman then yes, it's healthy. To make up for an emptiness in my life, a shortcoming in my character, to chase the impossible for certain failure in order to get attention---no one needs an Ironman for that. Therapy may ultimately be cheaper.

So why Ironman for me? It has brought me wealth in the form of mental strength, confidence in my ability to run greater than 3 miles, insight and awareness of myself. As long those rewards continue to exceed the suffering, I'll be there to sign up. It's my 2000 heads of cattle complete with lurking lions and leopards. Now if only they made carbon spears that were more aero...